Luna & Sol 2
Dear Sun,
You are about to embark on the absolute hardest part of this journey … the part in which you’ve now learned what it feels like to find a home, for the first time in your aware life, only to have to walk away. Somehow. Even if it’s just temporary.
I don’t envy you, or the Moon, for the torture you both are about to endure. And I have little to offer in terms of comfort at this juncture.
Perhaps, it will ease the pain if I remind you that this is only for the time being.
The way it feels like your entire being is pulled into the Moon, that is not going to be temporary, unfortunately. And I hope that you take in as much solace from your opportunities to be in contact while you can. For this next little while, these chances will be few and far between. But they matter more so now than they will when you get them in abundance. Or maybe – hopefully – they will always mean the world to you.
Do what you must, to keep that beacon in sight. Take photos, hold her longer, and tell her that you love her in every single way that you know how. With all of your might.
Now is not the time for subtlety, my friend.
Give all, and give every second, because there will be distance, and there will be fright, and I know it will be easier if you give her a million different translations of the love you have. Fill every crevice of her heart, and treat her with the softness she deserves. And the sharpness of the world will take longer to penetrate the affection and adoration you wrap her in.
As I write this, though, you are sitting atop a creaky bookstore, just down the street from the love of your life. And there is plenty of splendor to be had in the coming days. (future spoiler: splendor was had)
Believe me, when I tell you that I understand how there is no going back from this place. But you will get your chance to build something new alongside her. It just has to go back to a place of longing first.
And for that, I’ll apologize again.
Take comfort in knowing that you are not alone in this next struggle. Share in that beautiful magnetism. Share in that support. Share in this whole process with her.
The moon will always guide you.
This clarity will always guide you.
Take heed, and use your brain for planning and execution alone. And leave the rest of this process to the weighty feeling in your chest. It only has one direction to grow towards, and that makes it the purest compass you could possibly follow.
Take comfort. You are seen.
And I’ve used every word to tell you I love you, and you deserve every wordless action in tandem.
Perhaps, I don’t ever have to come out and say it. You already know, anyway.
At least, I know you can read it in my eyes.
And you give me back a giddy laugh – that fuels me – and say “nothing” when I pry.
Honestly, love, I don’t need you to say a single word. Because, like mine, your face says everything in deafening claxons.
Dear Moon,
There’s something transcendent and beautiful about the way you’ve taken all of your life experiences and molded them into the most sensational human being I have ever known. And while no part of me wants to erase your past, I will never hesitate to remind you that you are a culmination of all those things – and more – and are not a result of any single one of them.
I’ll reiterate a lot of what I wrote above here. If I could take away the difficulty of this next leg of our journey, I would. And every part of me feels a certain level of guilt that this is happening.
I only realized during a recent conversation about fears and the weight of this whole thing, that maybe I have been putting forth a level of confidence and suredness that is alarming. I wouldn’t be surprised if you perhaps believed that I was fearless in this scenario. However, I am not. And while I may wish to be, there is a lot to gain from my fears.
There is great comfort in witnessing my fears bounce up against my feelings, and the sensation of feeling beyond my fears is very new to me. I can hear the scared voices as they grow and clamber up the back of my neck and echo into my head, but they are battling against an ocean of overwhelming love in my chest. It’s only when I’m running really low on energy, do I let any of those voices have more than a few minutes of my time.
And as sit here and write all of this out, you’re on my other screen – organizing your things and your thoughts and only sure about one thing in the world; me. In this baffled state, I find it difficult to sometimes collect enough wherewithal to speak the words I wish to. To write them down. To not just sit, slack-jawed and in awe of this whole thing and I’m just … so fortunate to have this time.
As we continue to build on all of the marvelous things that have happened in a flash, I want to reassure you that the hard work and dedication are not lost on me. It is made palpably more easy to navigate with the abundance of love we share. But I’m not just in it for the good times and the affectionate times. I want it all.
There is nothing more that I want than to share the entire spectrum of existence with you. You are remarkable.
Everywhere I look I am shown sentiments that there is not enough time in life. Reminders that life is too short. And it eats away at the back of my mind that any day that doesn’t include making you feel loved, or showing you how spectacular you are, is a wasted day … and I don’t want to waste any of it.
There's nothing you can't come to me with. I know you want to keep your pain and your discomfort, and your overwhelm to yourself, but I am here for all of it.
You are my summer, after years and years of winter, and all of you is radiant.
I see a beautiful human, stubborn in her independence, comfortable in isolation, in the quiet. and all I want is for you to be as loud as possible.
Feel awe, loudly.
Be frustrated loudly,
Love yourself, loudly.
Laugh, loudly.
Be sad, loudly.
Love me, loudly.
Be weird, loudly.
Dance and sing and flail
and cook and clean and cry
and decorate, loudly.
You're not alone, my love. Be you, be loud.
Take solace. You are seen.
